Part 2: Thursday
If you missed part one click HERE.
20 Hours in
So, here we were, 20 hours into our birth story and my wife and I were feeling encouraged! The frequency and duration of her contractions had increased. The app I had downloaded earlier also continued to feed us encouragement and so, feeling confident that progress was being made, we called the midwives.
The midwife I spoke with on the phone was Nicole. She asked me what Krista was doing. I told her that Krista was alternating between kneeling on the bed, leaning over the counter in the bathroom, and throwing up in the toilet. Nicole then asked me to ask Krista what her contractions felt like. Krista told me that they were extremely sharp, painful pains in her lower back.
“Oh, back labor” Nicole said, “does she feel any pain in her lower abdomen?”
“No”, I replied after asking Krista.
Side note: From what I gathered reading books, watching videos, and from our birth class, back labor is the least desirable of labors. It seems to me that it’s sort of like visiting your local Ford dealer with the intent of getting their worst car in the best trim (Fiesta ST), but ending up with the worst car in the worst trim (Fiesta S).
Ford, if you’re reading this, please send me either version (ST preferred).
Call the Midwives
Anyway, Nicole told me that she and another midwife, Carol, were coming over to assess Krista and that we should also contact our doula, Heidi.
I called Heidi and told her all the same things that I had told Nicole.
Another side note: Midwives always work in teams of three to make sure two of them can attend the birth. One midwife is always assigned to the mother and the other is assigned to the baby.
Heidi, Nicole, and Carol arrived at our place shortly before midnight. Heidi came with snacks, massage devices, heating pads and, best of all, a warm positive attitude which we desperately needed after so many hours of labor. Seriously, such a great Calgary Doula!
Nicole and Carol arrived with midwife things; you know, like, 3 raven feathers and a bottle of witch hazel. I’m joking, of course, but I know for a fact that this is how some people view the practice of midwifery. Such a misconception. Midwives are highly specialized in all aspects of the birthing process!
Right away, I could tell from their body language that they didn’t think our birthing process was very far along but they offered us comfort, encouragement and peace of mind by making sure that Krista and the baby were doing well.
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Checking the blood pressure and heart rates for both mom and baby adds a certain level of comfort, but we all know that the real business in birthing is the cervix opening… I would come to hate those checks.
Carol checked Krista’s cervix and, unfortunately, it was still slammed shut! Or as she put it, “Still a ways to go, honey. This is all part of the process”.
Now, I’m sure its normal for the midwives to see this little progress over 22 hours of labor but, after reading so many birth stories, this news was deflating for us. So many women describe waking up, hopping out of bed, feeling some liquid on her legs, going to the hospital and, 8 hours later, a baby.
Carol suggested Heidi draw Krista a warm bath and that I get a little bit of rest. The midwives left instructing us to contact them if anything changed or if we needed them for support.
Get Some Rest
So I lay down in the spare room which is separated from the bathroom Krista was spending the majority of her time in by a 4-inch thick wall. Needless to say, the rest wasn’t all that productive.
I sort of just lay there switching between feelings of guilt, for even getting to pretend to relax, feelings of anxiety, wondering how much longer this would go on, and feelings of complete uselessness, wishing that I could somehow bear some of the pain and struggle my wife was going through. In any case, this wasn’t an ideal state of mind for rest.
After finding a way to rest for some amount of time, (possibly 3 hours?) Heidi came into the spare room and said that I should call the midwives again. I got up and went to the bathroom. Krista was in visibly more pain than she had been when I saw her last. She was growling and clawing at her back during every contraction, which were coming every 4 minutes and lasting for over a minute. I consulted with my app which informed me that, if we weren’t almost to the hospital, to call 911.
I called the midwives again.
This time, when I spoke to the midwives I added guilt to my list of feelings. I don’t know why but I started to feel like our birth was becoming a nuisance to our midwives. They did absolutely nothing to make me feel that way; it’s just how I felt.
Anyway, I told them that Krista was feeling a tremendous amount of pain and wanted them to come back. So Nicole and Carole got back out of bed and drove to our house.
I’m Coming Undone
When they arrived, I apologized for the situation as though I had any control over it. They told me that visits during the night are normal with birthing. They stated that because oxytocin levels are naturally higher during the night, a lot of babies are born during this time (I didn’t bother to fact check).
Once again, they checked both Krista and the baby. They found that both heart rates were good, that Krista’s blood pressure was good and that her cervix was thinning, but still completely closed. I didn’t even know it was possible to be deflated any further, but I was.
We Need Relief
By this point, Krista hadn’t slept in 26 hours so I asked Carol what our options were. She suggested a small dose of painkillers to help her get some rest. I had reservations about going down this path because I was aware of the risks that it posed to both Krista and the baby, however, Carol and Nicole talked me through it and, ultimately, left the decision to us.
Krista was in favor of the painkillers and I came around to the idea, but it meant that we had to drive to the hospital since they couldn’t be administered at home.
When we got to the hospital, we went right into triage. At 6 in the morning on a Thursday, there were some interesting people in there and, of course, we could hear everything going on with them. One lady was having a baby but was also high as a kite on crystal meth. Another lady was having a baby and screamed as loud as she could during every contraction.
Nicole new What we Needed
Nicole was the midwife that was going to give Krista a dose of morphine to help her relax and hopefully get some sleep. Unfortunately, though, we first had to go through a gauntlet of checks to make sure the baby and Krista were in perfect condition. This took a long time and only added to our frustration. At times, the tension was thick between Nicole and us. Nevertheless, Nicole showed us patience when needed and was a stern voice of reason when needed and I respected that about her. She was there to make sure both Krista and the baby were healthy and refused to deviate from her plan of double checking everything.
When all the tests were cleared, Krista received a dose of morphine and we went home to rest.
Now What?
When we got home, we both just lay in bed not knowing what to think.
We had already been through so much and there wasn’t any real end in sight. We talked about stuff that I can’t quite remember. I do remember that it was nice. We would both fall asleep for a few minutes between contractions. When the next one would come along and wake us up, I would massage Krista’s lower back for the duration of the contraction and then we would sleep again. This went on for several hours.
At some point, I must have fallen asleep and missed some contractions, but I woke up to find Krista on her hands and knees on the bed, humming, eyes closed, making small circles with her body. She seemed to be in a good place so I remained still and quiet so as not to disturb her.
Eventually we started talking and, with the sun having just come up and shining cheerfully through the window, we decided that we were ready to have our baby today.
Our spirits had been lifted and we felt the strength to move through this process and begin the next chapter of our lives as a family of 3.
Even though Thursday had only just begun, I’ll take a break here and finish the story in Part 3.
